Sorry for being MIA recently! The Jewish Holidays and a stalker got in the way, but now I'm back and in full dating mode!
Meet Nigel* Nigel is a result of online dating. We live in the 21st century, it is nearly impossible to meet a decent guy in the real world, so online dating it is. Nigel is a 28 year old computer programmer, who is a born and raised Manhattanite. There were a couple of email exchanges but we even spoke on the phone pre date! He seemed really nice but I could tell that he was definitely a dork. It is so important to understand that there are two different levels of dork. There is the dork that waits in line for the newest iPhone, can do your tax returns, still holds onto their childhood dreams, and yet still knows how to treat a woman. And then, there is the dork that stands in line for the newest version of halo and sleeps in a twin bed that is covered in Superman sheets. There is a huge difference and there is nothing wrong with the tax returning, iPhone toting, dreamer. When Nigel and I spoke on the phone, we joked around about Dance Dance Revolution, a game that is super fun to play, but is embarrassing as hell to admit ever playing after the age of 22. With the little pieces of information on the table, he came up with a creative date of Dave & Busters.
The Date: We met at Dave & Busters in Times Square. I thought it was a good idea, instead of just sitting and interrogating each other for a couple of hours. We started at the bar, just to get to know one another a little better. The conversation was definitely lacking, but then again, it was only a first date.
Nigel said to me : "You know, your personality reminds me of a real estate broker."
Me: "Aren't most real estate brokers sleazy and really creepy."
Nigel: "That's not what I meant. Well I meant it as a compliment. Your personality reminds me of a salesy/marketing type person."
He just kept digging himself a giant hole. I of course gave him the benefit of the doubt, as he proceeded to tell me that he wasn't the slickest cat around. That was a given. After one drink, he quickly closed the tab, without even asking if I wanted another drink and said OK let's go play games! And away we went. The first game was a driving type something or other, I tried to make the most conversation you could make while playing video games. Show the playful side, definitely the competitive side, this kid was SO into his game, it was just silence.
As soon as that was over, he says to me "Wait, you're in high heels, how are you supposed to play DDR." (Yes, he refers to Dance Dance Revolution as DDR, because he is apparently super hard core.) I told him that I brought back-up. I mean, chill out for pete's sake. I wore high heels because, it's a date. I didn't realize I was going to the All-Time Championship of Dance Dance Revolution. He noticed the game was available and B-lined over, not even waiting for me. First round, we played at the beginners level. I was so thankful, because I was not there to break a sweat, bust a move, whatever. I was there to just enjoy and have fun. Nigel was so pissed, that he did poorly the first round and blamed it on the "easy level." He bumped it up to the "difficult level." Let the games begin. I was tripping all over myself in my 4 inch heels like a complete idiot. I look over at Nigel, and to find him ripping open his button down shirt (don't worry he had an undershirt on) because he was SO into it. At this point, I lost complete concentration and thought please kill me, I am on a date with the ultimate child. Not even a man boy, but a child.
I could not believe what was going on. Thankfully, a line had formed to play the game and I had an out. We then continued to the next game, which was basketball. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to be competitive, but hi, you're on a date, calm down! Life will go on if you don't win. A few more games later, and he finally said he had had enough. It was time to pick a prize. He clearly thought I had a drinking problem; he picked up a shot glass and told me it's a perfect prize for me. The date had lasted only two hours and I was DYING to get home. At the end of the evening, I had thanked him for everything and told him it was nice to meet him. He told me he had a great time. I couldn't believe that was fun to him! Granted, he played video games for two hours, so he was clearly in heaven. I guarantee he's looking for a girl to sit on his couch and watch him play all of his video games. Not so much my style.
And another one bites the dust.
I Just Keep Dating
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
As the theme of New York City, it's never easy to meet a man. However, it's also important to remember that you can meet someone anywhere. There is a reason my Grandma always told me to never leave the house without my face.
The Meet: I was travelling on business to Ohio. I got on the plane and was ecstatic to know that there was an empty seat between me and the other passenger. I took notice to him, blonde, blue eyes, kind of cute definitely pint size. What did I care, I just wanted to listen to Dave Matthews Band and take a nap. This guy strikes up a conversation and clearly wanted to talk. He seemed nice so I gave in. we talked the entire plane ride. His name is Marcus*; he was on his way home to Cleveland from a business trip. I had such a nice time but the hour and a half flight disappeared, we had landed. We walked off the plane together and he had the balls to ask for my phone number. I was in a rush to catch a connecting flight while thinking he probably just wants to look me up on facebook. I gave him my business card and called it a day. As soon as I returned home from my business trip, I already had a message on facebook waiting for me.
The Beginning: Marcus and I exchanged messages all day everyday via facebook when after only a few days he asked for my phone number. I happily gave in. We started texting and talking on the phone like we've known each other our entire lives. Marcus asked if he could visit me. I of course discussed the logistics with my friends and everyone told me that because I had a roommate, it would be fine. Marcus came to New York. We had the most wonderful weekend. We were like a couple that had been together forever. We did touristy things, watched movies, had wonderful meals and great conversation. He even met all of my friends! We had such an amazing time. When it was time for him to go home, my heart was broken but we knew this was not over. It was the beginning to something, but we did not know what. For Valentine's Day, Marcus asked if he could buy me a ticket to visit him. I was beyond excited.
The Trip: I arrived at the airport and Marcus was waiting for me outside. He popped the trunk and didn't get out of the car to help me let alone greet me. I just arrived, I did not want to freak myself out, so I just went with it. Since my plane was late we were in a rush and off to dinner. Just me, him, and a quiet little Friday night date. Everything was perfect. The following day, Marcus had forewarned me before my arrival that the TV guy mixed up dates, and we were going to spend the day waiting around for the TV repairman. I didn't care, I was there to see Marcus and spend time with him. That's it. We had slept in, it was such a great feeling waking up in someone's arms that you spend every waking moment thinking of or talking to. Since we were stuck in the house, he thought we should order in. Cleveland, not being New York, there was only one place that delivered. The restaurant was not picking up the phone. I'm going to be honest; I'm not one of those girls who doesn't eat. I had suggested he go pick up the food and I'll guard the apartment. We watched movies all day. However, when he would get up to use the restroom, he would return and sit on the other couch--not next to me. If I wanted to sit on a couch and watch a movie by myself, I would have stayed in NY. I didn't understand what was going on. Then, Saturday night, I was meeting all of his friends. Marcus's stomach hurt, so there was no dinner. Seriously, I'm not a high maintenance individual but oh my g-d, offer to pick up a slice of pizza! I should also mention that the only thing he had in his entire apartment was Coca-Cola (not diet) and beer. That's it. The evening pursued without any problems. His friends were great! All married with kids but great. His best friend, who did not live in Cleveland, came in for this big gathering, so he spent the night in the guest room of Marcus's apartment.
It was Sunday morning. I woke up in bed alone. I had no clue where he went. He came into the bedroom to have sex, and then hopped right back out of bed after we were done and said "John's in town, I'm going to hang out with him. Get dressed. Come hang." I felt like someone had backhanded me across the face. I had an entire day stuck in Cleveland. I got dressed to hang out with the boys and couldn't wait to go home. The only thing that I had asked Marcus to do on my visit was to check out the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. That same morning, Marcus asked if it would be alright to go on my next visit. What was I going to say no! That was it. That was the end of me and Marcus. Oh, and he didn't feed me on Sunday...at all.
When he dropped me off at the airport, I gave him a big kiss and thanked him for everything. I meant it, every word. Other then the visit to Cleveland, Marcus is a great guy, he's just a man boy who has a lot of growing up to do. After being with him, I knew I deserved better. I deserved to be wined and dined and treated like a woman. The raging and roaring woman I am.
The Meet: I was travelling on business to Ohio. I got on the plane and was ecstatic to know that there was an empty seat between me and the other passenger. I took notice to him, blonde, blue eyes, kind of cute definitely pint size. What did I care, I just wanted to listen to Dave Matthews Band and take a nap. This guy strikes up a conversation and clearly wanted to talk. He seemed nice so I gave in. we talked the entire plane ride. His name is Marcus*; he was on his way home to Cleveland from a business trip. I had such a nice time but the hour and a half flight disappeared, we had landed. We walked off the plane together and he had the balls to ask for my phone number. I was in a rush to catch a connecting flight while thinking he probably just wants to look me up on facebook. I gave him my business card and called it a day. As soon as I returned home from my business trip, I already had a message on facebook waiting for me.
The Beginning: Marcus and I exchanged messages all day everyday via facebook when after only a few days he asked for my phone number. I happily gave in. We started texting and talking on the phone like we've known each other our entire lives. Marcus asked if he could visit me. I of course discussed the logistics with my friends and everyone told me that because I had a roommate, it would be fine. Marcus came to New York. We had the most wonderful weekend. We were like a couple that had been together forever. We did touristy things, watched movies, had wonderful meals and great conversation. He even met all of my friends! We had such an amazing time. When it was time for him to go home, my heart was broken but we knew this was not over. It was the beginning to something, but we did not know what. For Valentine's Day, Marcus asked if he could buy me a ticket to visit him. I was beyond excited.
The Trip: I arrived at the airport and Marcus was waiting for me outside. He popped the trunk and didn't get out of the car to help me let alone greet me. I just arrived, I did not want to freak myself out, so I just went with it. Since my plane was late we were in a rush and off to dinner. Just me, him, and a quiet little Friday night date. Everything was perfect. The following day, Marcus had forewarned me before my arrival that the TV guy mixed up dates, and we were going to spend the day waiting around for the TV repairman. I didn't care, I was there to see Marcus and spend time with him. That's it. We had slept in, it was such a great feeling waking up in someone's arms that you spend every waking moment thinking of or talking to. Since we were stuck in the house, he thought we should order in. Cleveland, not being New York, there was only one place that delivered. The restaurant was not picking up the phone. I'm going to be honest; I'm not one of those girls who doesn't eat. I had suggested he go pick up the food and I'll guard the apartment. We watched movies all day. However, when he would get up to use the restroom, he would return and sit on the other couch--not next to me. If I wanted to sit on a couch and watch a movie by myself, I would have stayed in NY. I didn't understand what was going on. Then, Saturday night, I was meeting all of his friends. Marcus's stomach hurt, so there was no dinner. Seriously, I'm not a high maintenance individual but oh my g-d, offer to pick up a slice of pizza! I should also mention that the only thing he had in his entire apartment was Coca-Cola (not diet) and beer. That's it. The evening pursued without any problems. His friends were great! All married with kids but great. His best friend, who did not live in Cleveland, came in for this big gathering, so he spent the night in the guest room of Marcus's apartment.
It was Sunday morning. I woke up in bed alone. I had no clue where he went. He came into the bedroom to have sex, and then hopped right back out of bed after we were done and said "John's in town, I'm going to hang out with him. Get dressed. Come hang." I felt like someone had backhanded me across the face. I had an entire day stuck in Cleveland. I got dressed to hang out with the boys and couldn't wait to go home. The only thing that I had asked Marcus to do on my visit was to check out the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. That same morning, Marcus asked if it would be alright to go on my next visit. What was I going to say no! That was it. That was the end of me and Marcus. Oh, and he didn't feed me on Sunday...at all.
When he dropped me off at the airport, I gave him a big kiss and thanked him for everything. I meant it, every word. Other then the visit to Cleveland, Marcus is a great guy, he's just a man boy who has a lot of growing up to do. After being with him, I knew I deserved better. I deserved to be wined and dined and treated like a woman. The raging and roaring woman I am.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Ride
And so the saga continues. Matt* and I went on another date. Matt and his super creative date ideas, again I leave it all up to him. He had suggested a bike ride, as Saturday was supposed to be beautiful. I thought what an amazing idea! I informed him I don't have a bike and he said, don't worry about a thing; I'll pick you up at your apartment at 2pm. I was excited.
Saturday afternoon rolled around, and he called to tell me he was downstairs, as I walk outside, I see a very large bike. Yes, one large tandem bike. I folded, dying of laughter and then I realized, he was totally serious. I could not believe it; he actually wanted to go on a tandem bike ride. He assumed I had never been on one, and he thought it would be fun to try something new together. I was not sure what to do. Save my dignity or his by just going along with it. I climbed on the bike. I was mortified, every single person we rode past, pointed, stared, and laughed. I would have done the same thing. We made our way down the East River Drive, towards Battery Park. The day was gorgeous. We stopped at the tip of the island, just to take in the weather and the beautiful site of the Hudson River. On our ride, we happened to pass the bar he used to work at. It was official, I had a door to ask about his no longer existing job. He informed me that he was a bartender and was laid off in September 2009. He still has not found or attempted to find a job. I find it strange, that someone is content not having a purpose every day. I'm not saying it's ok to be a workaholic either, I just don't understand how someone could have absolutely no drive. As the day continued, we rode up to the west side to 46th Street, where we stopped for some drinks.
It was time to take the bike back to the bike store (thank g-d.) We rode cross town, ok really walked it crosstown.) After our ride, we went for drinks at Mama's in the East Village followed by dinner at Back Forty. The menu was so overwhelming. As a picky eater, there usually are no options but I had so many things to choose from! I was excited and hungry. Matt found it amusing, that I was so thrilled about the menu and couldn't pick. I ordered a delicious summer squash, and he ordered the other dish I wanted, chicken. When we were served our food, he kept switching dishes, to make sure I fully appreciated both meals. It sounds so minuscule, but it really is the little things that matters.
It was a long day in the sun and a very long day together; we thought it was time to go back to my apartment. Once again, Matt spent the night. I had a barbeque in the suburbs that Sunday, but Matt wanted to spend the day together, again. That was not an option. He walked out the door with me which was a full 24 hours after our date had started.
I'm typically the person who can't handle someone for that many hours. Hell, I can't handle myself half the time. It's weird, I spend so much time with him and I don't get sick of it but at the same time, I'm not DYING to hang out with him. Yes, I want to see him and make out with him and have someone to be affectionate and be with, someone who is dying to spend the night with me but at the same time, I'm never crazy kinds of eager to see him. The realization after this weekend, do I enjoy him, yes but there just isn't a spark. The butterflies in my stomach before a date or the anticipation of when he is going to kiss me, it just isn't there.
On the other hand, I'm convinced that he feels the same way. We email a couple of times everyday, yet we never talk on the phone or even text. We also only see each other one day a week! There is no way he can actually think that this is the beginning of a successful relationship, can he?! He is a good guy, there is no question. He's kind, thoughtful and respectful, but you can't force something as much as you want it to work. I'll keep Matt around, until the flame goes out or at least until someone else comes knocking at my door.
Saturday afternoon rolled around, and he called to tell me he was downstairs, as I walk outside, I see a very large bike. Yes, one large tandem bike. I folded, dying of laughter and then I realized, he was totally serious. I could not believe it; he actually wanted to go on a tandem bike ride. He assumed I had never been on one, and he thought it would be fun to try something new together. I was not sure what to do. Save my dignity or his by just going along with it. I climbed on the bike. I was mortified, every single person we rode past, pointed, stared, and laughed. I would have done the same thing. We made our way down the East River Drive, towards Battery Park. The day was gorgeous. We stopped at the tip of the island, just to take in the weather and the beautiful site of the Hudson River. On our ride, we happened to pass the bar he used to work at. It was official, I had a door to ask about his no longer existing job. He informed me that he was a bartender and was laid off in September 2009. He still has not found or attempted to find a job. I find it strange, that someone is content not having a purpose every day. I'm not saying it's ok to be a workaholic either, I just don't understand how someone could have absolutely no drive. As the day continued, we rode up to the west side to 46th Street, where we stopped for some drinks.
It was time to take the bike back to the bike store (thank g-d.) We rode cross town, ok really walked it crosstown.) After our ride, we went for drinks at Mama's in the East Village followed by dinner at Back Forty. The menu was so overwhelming. As a picky eater, there usually are no options but I had so many things to choose from! I was excited and hungry. Matt found it amusing, that I was so thrilled about the menu and couldn't pick. I ordered a delicious summer squash, and he ordered the other dish I wanted, chicken. When we were served our food, he kept switching dishes, to make sure I fully appreciated both meals. It sounds so minuscule, but it really is the little things that matters.
It was a long day in the sun and a very long day together; we thought it was time to go back to my apartment. Once again, Matt spent the night. I had a barbeque in the suburbs that Sunday, but Matt wanted to spend the day together, again. That was not an option. He walked out the door with me which was a full 24 hours after our date had started.
I'm typically the person who can't handle someone for that many hours. Hell, I can't handle myself half the time. It's weird, I spend so much time with him and I don't get sick of it but at the same time, I'm not DYING to hang out with him. Yes, I want to see him and make out with him and have someone to be affectionate and be with, someone who is dying to spend the night with me but at the same time, I'm never crazy kinds of eager to see him. The realization after this weekend, do I enjoy him, yes but there just isn't a spark. The butterflies in my stomach before a date or the anticipation of when he is going to kiss me, it just isn't there.
On the other hand, I'm convinced that he feels the same way. We email a couple of times everyday, yet we never talk on the phone or even text. We also only see each other one day a week! There is no way he can actually think that this is the beginning of a successful relationship, can he?! He is a good guy, there is no question. He's kind, thoughtful and respectful, but you can't force something as much as you want it to work. I'll keep Matt around, until the flame goes out or at least until someone else comes knocking at my door.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Round 3..Seaside
Round 3: Sunset on the Intrepid
There was in fact a third date with Matt* This date, was a well thought out and well planned date. Most dudes, drinks, dinner and drinks, dinner and a movie, all which are great! This was going to be awesome no matter what. Mark had emailed me a detailed list of three options. The options consisted of Studio Square beer garden in Astoria, a concert in Jones Beach, or a movie on the Intrepid. By a process of elimination, and simple cool factor, movie on the Intrepid it was!
After a crazy and hectic week, Matt had told me that he would take care of everything and to just show up. At this point, I was kind of excited! We met at the Intrepid, and there was an absurdly long line. I was happy to wait, because we got to hang out for a while before the movie.. I also noticed, he had on a massive backpack and wasn't too sure what was inside. When I asked, he responded with "stuff." Very suspicious. It seriously looked like he was going camping.
As we arrive at the top of the ship, the site was spectacular. It was a perfect summer evening, beautiful sunset, and great company. Matt opened his backpack, and pulled out a blanket for us to sit on, as well as plates, cups, napkins (cloth napkins might I add,) 2 Nalgene bottles and a full 3 course meal. Matt opened the Nalgene bottle, and poured ice into both cups. He then opened the other Nalgene and poured homemade Lynchburg Lemonade. For those who aren't total lushes like myself, Lynchburg Lemonade is Jack Daniels, Lemonade and simple syrup. This just couldn't have been better. The movie was great, they were playing Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, one of the greatest movies of all times.
Right up my alley, Matt did not cross any touching lines. Personal choice, but I am not a fan of PDA. The private stuff should be left for a bedroom. A little kiss, a little handholding is one thing..anything else, no one wants to see! After the movie, Matt and I went to a random bar in Hell's Kitchen. On our walk, he stopped me on the corner, and gave me a little kiss, just to show he was enjoying his evening as much as I was. It was about midnight at this point, and after only one drink, we decided it was time to go back to my place.
We got to my place and we respectfully sat on my couch and hung out. I mean, what guy does that! I say that in the best possible way. Most boys, yes boys are 13 years old and can't wait to jump into bed and see all the goodies. We hung out, and it was nice. Granted we made out like teenagers, but he was a total gentleman. Matt spent the night at my apartment and didn't leave until Saturday at 3pm when I kicked him out.
Some people have asked me, what I think. You want to know something; I am a firm believer in taking everything one step at a time. That's the whole point of dating, isn't it?! You can take pleasure in spending many hours with someone, but have no idea where the path will lead you. I'm just taking it one date at a time and waiting to see what happens. Is that too much to ask?
There was in fact a third date with Matt* This date, was a well thought out and well planned date. Most dudes, drinks, dinner and drinks, dinner and a movie, all which are great! This was going to be awesome no matter what. Mark had emailed me a detailed list of three options. The options consisted of Studio Square beer garden in Astoria, a concert in Jones Beach, or a movie on the Intrepid. By a process of elimination, and simple cool factor, movie on the Intrepid it was!
After a crazy and hectic week, Matt had told me that he would take care of everything and to just show up. At this point, I was kind of excited! We met at the Intrepid, and there was an absurdly long line. I was happy to wait, because we got to hang out for a while before the movie.. I also noticed, he had on a massive backpack and wasn't too sure what was inside. When I asked, he responded with "stuff." Very suspicious. It seriously looked like he was going camping.
As we arrive at the top of the ship, the site was spectacular. It was a perfect summer evening, beautiful sunset, and great company. Matt opened his backpack, and pulled out a blanket for us to sit on, as well as plates, cups, napkins (cloth napkins might I add,) 2 Nalgene bottles and a full 3 course meal. Matt opened the Nalgene bottle, and poured ice into both cups. He then opened the other Nalgene and poured homemade Lynchburg Lemonade. For those who aren't total lushes like myself, Lynchburg Lemonade is Jack Daniels, Lemonade and simple syrup. This just couldn't have been better. The movie was great, they were playing Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, one of the greatest movies of all times.
Right up my alley, Matt did not cross any touching lines. Personal choice, but I am not a fan of PDA. The private stuff should be left for a bedroom. A little kiss, a little handholding is one thing..anything else, no one wants to see! After the movie, Matt and I went to a random bar in Hell's Kitchen. On our walk, he stopped me on the corner, and gave me a little kiss, just to show he was enjoying his evening as much as I was. It was about midnight at this point, and after only one drink, we decided it was time to go back to my place.
We got to my place and we respectfully sat on my couch and hung out. I mean, what guy does that! I say that in the best possible way. Most boys, yes boys are 13 years old and can't wait to jump into bed and see all the goodies. We hung out, and it was nice. Granted we made out like teenagers, but he was a total gentleman. Matt spent the night at my apartment and didn't leave until Saturday at 3pm when I kicked him out.
Some people have asked me, what I think. You want to know something; I am a firm believer in taking everything one step at a time. That's the whole point of dating, isn't it?! You can take pleasure in spending many hours with someone, but have no idea where the path will lead you. I'm just taking it one date at a time and waiting to see what happens. Is that too much to ask?
Monday, August 9, 2010
Ex-Husband
Meet Dale*. Dale and I met, the way many New Yorkers tend to meet ---, nowhere near sober drunk at some bar. It was during the awesomeness that we call March Madness, Round 2. (For those who aren't big sports fans, that is the beginning of the tournament when there are games on pretty much all day, which is a good enough excuse to drink all day.)
The Meeting: After a long day of enjoying the beautiful March weather, my friend Vivienne and I decided it's time to check the scores and have a drink! We went to The White Horse Tavern, and after a few beers these boys started shooting the shit with my friend and me. They were fairly entertaining for the moment, until I realized that one of them was extra cute and way tall -- all in all not too shabby. The two of us started talking and totally hit it off! He demanded that he see me again, and started referring to me as his wife.
Over the next week, everytime Dale and I had talked we referred to each other as husband and wife, so we made plans for that Friday. As the joking guy that he is, Dale had suggested Joshua Tree, since I lived in Murray Hill and he finds it hilarious since he is slightly older. As many people know, Murray Hill is the place where the post college/still in college kids go to hang out and/or live.
The Date: The date was amazing. We all know those words do not come out of your mouth often, if ever. We talked about everything from politics, to movies, to dating. We even had the same dating attitude: There is no need to rush into something good, if there is no "conversation" had you aren't formally together, and rules are meant to be broken. He was funny, witty, smart, and oddly enough good looking!
5 hours later, we both decide we had enough to drink. We had talked about the movie crazy heart, which I happen to have on DVD, he had suggested going back to my apartment to watch it. The smart thing to do at this point would of course to say no, because who brings a guy back to their apartment on the first date! But the date was going SO well, and we were just having a grand old time, so I ignored my instincts and brought him back to my apartment with me. 3 minutes later, we we were making out. You know it sucks, when you like a guy, you don't' want to say no, but you you know what you're doing is wrong?! Yea, clearly I let my wrong take over. Needless to say the night was fun and hilarious, yes hilarious. The sex was great but the company was even better.
The Next Morning: We spent time in bed, hanging out, talking, ya know, post coital what not: no awkwardness whatsoever. As we both realize that it was almost noon, we both have our "oh shit" moment, and remember we each have our won set of plans. That's when he said he needed to talk to me. Did he have such a great time he wants to ask me out on a second date already? Is he married (because...been there..done that.)
Dale: "Do you remember our discussion about 'the conversation?' You know, the 'are we or aren't we boyfriend/girlfriend.'"
Me: "Yes.' (I clearly remember stating that unless the conversation is had, you're just dating.)
Dale: "Well I've been seeing a girl closer to my age, and we're dating. But we haven't had the conversation, so I don't feel guilty about anything that went on between us."
My jaw drops, I become the fabulous ice princess that I can be, and I play it cool.
Me: "Ok, thanks for sharing?!"
Dale: "Well, I just though you should know, because when you get to my age, you'll want things. You know, this girl and I are the same age, and she's looking for something real, something a little bit more serious."
-At this point I gave him a hug and told him to have a nice day.
This was the day he became known as "ex-husband." Who does that?! Why in his right mind would he share that kind of information with me?! On the bright side, I knew we weren't going to be dating (first date, apartment, although boys claim that it doesn't really matter--BULLSHIT!) On the other hand, why in the world do I want to know about the other woman he's dating or that when I'm older I'll want something serious? Listen up boys, I may be 26, and I may not be looking to get married tomorrow but it doesn't mean I'm a dirty little hooker.
Well, ex-husband and I are still "friends." I mean let's be real, who passes up a hot guy and good conversation? Although he's kind of an asshole, the sex is great. Beggars can't be choosers and for the entertainment value, no one is begging or choosing here.
The Meeting: After a long day of enjoying the beautiful March weather, my friend Vivienne and I decided it's time to check the scores and have a drink! We went to The White Horse Tavern, and after a few beers these boys started shooting the shit with my friend and me. They were fairly entertaining for the moment, until I realized that one of them was extra cute and way tall -- all in all not too shabby. The two of us started talking and totally hit it off! He demanded that he see me again, and started referring to me as his wife.
Over the next week, everytime Dale and I had talked we referred to each other as husband and wife, so we made plans for that Friday. As the joking guy that he is, Dale had suggested Joshua Tree, since I lived in Murray Hill and he finds it hilarious since he is slightly older. As many people know, Murray Hill is the place where the post college/still in college kids go to hang out and/or live.
The Date: The date was amazing. We all know those words do not come out of your mouth often, if ever. We talked about everything from politics, to movies, to dating. We even had the same dating attitude: There is no need to rush into something good, if there is no "conversation" had you aren't formally together, and rules are meant to be broken. He was funny, witty, smart, and oddly enough good looking!
5 hours later, we both decide we had enough to drink. We had talked about the movie crazy heart, which I happen to have on DVD, he had suggested going back to my apartment to watch it. The smart thing to do at this point would of course to say no, because who brings a guy back to their apartment on the first date! But the date was going SO well, and we were just having a grand old time, so I ignored my instincts and brought him back to my apartment with me. 3 minutes later, we we were making out. You know it sucks, when you like a guy, you don't' want to say no, but you you know what you're doing is wrong?! Yea, clearly I let my wrong take over. Needless to say the night was fun and hilarious, yes hilarious. The sex was great but the company was even better.
The Next Morning: We spent time in bed, hanging out, talking, ya know, post coital what not: no awkwardness whatsoever. As we both realize that it was almost noon, we both have our "oh shit" moment, and remember we each have our won set of plans. That's when he said he needed to talk to me. Did he have such a great time he wants to ask me out on a second date already? Is he married (because...been there..done that.)
Dale: "Do you remember our discussion about 'the conversation?' You know, the 'are we or aren't we boyfriend/girlfriend.'"
Me: "Yes.' (I clearly remember stating that unless the conversation is had, you're just dating.)
Dale: "Well I've been seeing a girl closer to my age, and we're dating. But we haven't had the conversation, so I don't feel guilty about anything that went on between us."
My jaw drops, I become the fabulous ice princess that I can be, and I play it cool.
Me: "Ok, thanks for sharing?!"
Dale: "Well, I just though you should know, because when you get to my age, you'll want things. You know, this girl and I are the same age, and she's looking for something real, something a little bit more serious."
-At this point I gave him a hug and told him to have a nice day.
This was the day he became known as "ex-husband." Who does that?! Why in his right mind would he share that kind of information with me?! On the bright side, I knew we weren't going to be dating (first date, apartment, although boys claim that it doesn't really matter--BULLSHIT!) On the other hand, why in the world do I want to know about the other woman he's dating or that when I'm older I'll want something serious? Listen up boys, I may be 26, and I may not be looking to get married tomorrow but it doesn't mean I'm a dirty little hooker.
Well, ex-husband and I are still "friends." I mean let's be real, who passes up a hot guy and good conversation? Although he's kind of an asshole, the sex is great. Beggars can't be choosers and for the entertainment value, no one is begging or choosing here.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Round 2..minus Brooklyn
Follow up date...
Ahh, the second date; a second chance to feel out a guy who you felt worthy of your time, energy, and beauty for yet another evening.
Last week, I went on my second date with Matt.* Matt had planned an evening of drinks, followed by dinner. It was a Thursday night, and we met at The Frying Pan. (For those of you who don't know, this bar is a frat house of bratty boys and girls alike. In reality, it's a dive bar on a boat right on the Hudson River, However on a Thursday night it feels like a typical Thursday night in college.) It was a beautiful night, so I was happy to be outside, but with two other parties there that I knew of, this location was not winning bonus points.
The night started a little bumpy. Maybe it was the "second date jitters," or that expectations were high, but it was a bit of typical first date awkwardness. This makes me wonder, when the discomfort of the unknown will dissipate. I don't ever really feel uncomfortable; I just don't like awkward silences.
After one drink, and 20 minutes of swaying back and forth on this historic dive bar (yes, it really is considered a historic site), we went for dinner at The Red Cat. The ambiance was perfect and the food was delicious. Although, for a second date I think the conversation became a little too deep when we started talking about our own "histories." Matt was floored when he found out that my longest "relationship" was three months, and that I had never actually been in a real relationship as much as I have dated people for long periods of time. I have no shame in my history; it may make me a bit of a skeptic, but then again, it's hard to not be pessimistic patty in the dating world. When Matt showed such shock over my "long-term relationship," I had reciprocated and asked how long his longest relationship was. He informed me that it was 4 years (I mean he is 34 years old), so I had to know what happened.
Matt: "No breakup that people claim is mutual, is actually mutual. However, we were together for 4 years and it got to the point of either marriage or the 'shit or get off the pot' sentiment. And that was apparently that."
I typically have a strict policy of not asking for this type of information, even if they ask questions about my past, but it's hard to not want to know! Doesn't everyone want to know about one another's past?! Don't you want to know why they are the way they are?!
With heavy conversation behind us, we proceed to drinks at another bar around the corner. As the night progressed, I realized how late it really was (we were being kicked out of the outside seating, which means it was around midnight). We decided to take an evening stroll up 23rd street. Suddenly, he stopped me at the corner and kissed me. As we started making out like teenagers on the corner of 23rd and 10th, he had suggested taking me home. I wasn't really sure if he was inviting himself upstairs, or just trying to end the evening. I ask him what the point of walking me home was; he had given me several options, one which included escorting me to my front door. I informed him that there would be no "funny business," and that we would strictly make out like teenagers. He didn't seem to have a problem.
We went back to my apartment, just "hanging out," when we finally looked up to notice it was 2am. Time for Matt to go home.
When he left, I started thinking. I clearly enjoyed his company and making out with him. But is he the Juicy dress that you know looks good, but you already have a bunch in your closet, so is it really worth buying another? Am I really just biding time, until the next guy that's worthy of a 2nd date asks me out? Matt will get a 3rd date, I mean, there is nothing wrong with him (other then the unemployment,) but who hasn't been there?! I mean hey, no one else is banging down my door, so why the eff not!
Ahh, the second date; a second chance to feel out a guy who you felt worthy of your time, energy, and beauty for yet another evening.
Last week, I went on my second date with Matt.* Matt had planned an evening of drinks, followed by dinner. It was a Thursday night, and we met at The Frying Pan. (For those of you who don't know, this bar is a frat house of bratty boys and girls alike. In reality, it's a dive bar on a boat right on the Hudson River, However on a Thursday night it feels like a typical Thursday night in college.) It was a beautiful night, so I was happy to be outside, but with two other parties there that I knew of, this location was not winning bonus points.
The night started a little bumpy. Maybe it was the "second date jitters," or that expectations were high, but it was a bit of typical first date awkwardness. This makes me wonder, when the discomfort of the unknown will dissipate. I don't ever really feel uncomfortable; I just don't like awkward silences.
After one drink, and 20 minutes of swaying back and forth on this historic dive bar (yes, it really is considered a historic site), we went for dinner at The Red Cat. The ambiance was perfect and the food was delicious. Although, for a second date I think the conversation became a little too deep when we started talking about our own "histories." Matt was floored when he found out that my longest "relationship" was three months, and that I had never actually been in a real relationship as much as I have dated people for long periods of time. I have no shame in my history; it may make me a bit of a skeptic, but then again, it's hard to not be pessimistic patty in the dating world. When Matt showed such shock over my "long-term relationship," I had reciprocated and asked how long his longest relationship was. He informed me that it was 4 years (I mean he is 34 years old), so I had to know what happened.
Matt: "No breakup that people claim is mutual, is actually mutual. However, we were together for 4 years and it got to the point of either marriage or the 'shit or get off the pot' sentiment. And that was apparently that."
I typically have a strict policy of not asking for this type of information, even if they ask questions about my past, but it's hard to not want to know! Doesn't everyone want to know about one another's past?! Don't you want to know why they are the way they are?!
With heavy conversation behind us, we proceed to drinks at another bar around the corner. As the night progressed, I realized how late it really was (we were being kicked out of the outside seating, which means it was around midnight). We decided to take an evening stroll up 23rd street. Suddenly, he stopped me at the corner and kissed me. As we started making out like teenagers on the corner of 23rd and 10th, he had suggested taking me home. I wasn't really sure if he was inviting himself upstairs, or just trying to end the evening. I ask him what the point of walking me home was; he had given me several options, one which included escorting me to my front door. I informed him that there would be no "funny business," and that we would strictly make out like teenagers. He didn't seem to have a problem.
We went back to my apartment, just "hanging out," when we finally looked up to notice it was 2am. Time for Matt to go home.
When he left, I started thinking. I clearly enjoyed his company and making out with him. But is he the Juicy dress that you know looks good, but you already have a bunch in your closet, so is it really worth buying another? Am I really just biding time, until the next guy that's worthy of a 2nd date asks me out? Matt will get a 3rd date, I mean, there is nothing wrong with him (other then the unemployment,) but who hasn't been there?! I mean hey, no one else is banging down my door, so why the eff not!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Lessons Learned
First Date
Pre-date Makeout
Everyone's absurd and ridiculous dating life has to start somewhere. The summer after I graduated college, my good college friend, Stephen, came back to New York to visit friends and family. Per the usual craziness, it was a 'must go out' evening. My college girlfriends and I met him and his boys out on the town.
Several bottles of vodka later...I found myself making out in the corner with his friend Mark*. Mark aggressively and unsuccessfully tried to get me to go home with him, but got my number instead. Several text messages later, Mark and I were going on our first date.
Pre-date
It was a hot, soupy summer night. I was so nervous; it was my first real date! He suggested going to Supper, which my friends had raved about, so I was looking forward to it. These same brilliant, wonderful friends, also suggested I have a glass of wine before my date, to calm the nerves. So I poured myself a glass (big enough to hold about a half bottle of wine) as I slipped on my adorable, purple Ella Moss dress.
Mark had suggested to first meet at his apartment, I assumed for a pre-dinner drink. As I tried to get a cab, somewhere between the swampy weather and my heels stumbling down 2nd ave, I realized I was no longer sober.
Date
As I walked up the stairs to his place, I realized he was just locking up his apartment. No drinks, no chatting -- he just wanted us to head downtown together. I didn't blink, I didn't care, I didn't know what was normal! I was OK with what was going on. (Side note: I later learned that you NEVER go to the guy's apartment first, you meet AT the restaurant/bar/whatever spot so it's convenient for everyone.) We proceed with our date and head downtown to Supper.
Upon arrival, there was a few minutes waiting time, so we head to the bar for a glass of wine. By the time we sat down, I was drunk. This somewhat made up for the completely uninteresting conversation, which I barely remember, so I kept the drinks coming. My three leaves of lettuce did not soak up anything that was currently in my stomach, and it all kept spiraling downhill from there.
After dinner, I was back to my pre-date makeout drunken state. I of course thought I was slick willy, and convinced myself that he had no idea that I was three sheets to the wind. He suggested we go to Bar Coastal, a nearby bar. It was a dirty dive bar that was completely empty on a Friday night. As I offer to pay for a drink, he amusingly accepts. I don't know if it was because I was clueless or because I was so intoxicated, but whoever is asked out on the date should NOT pay!
What seemed like minutes later, Mark reaches under my dress with the simple thoughts of "easy access." I was floored! Who do you think you are?! We are in public! What is wrong with you!? He, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with this. I had suggested going elsewhere for a little more privacy and he happily agreed. Looking back, I should have suggested a punch in the face. I was naive to say the least, and we went back to Mark's apartment.
Pre-date Makeout
Everyone's absurd and ridiculous dating life has to start somewhere. The summer after I graduated college, my good college friend, Stephen, came back to New York to visit friends and family. Per the usual craziness, it was a 'must go out' evening. My college girlfriends and I met him and his boys out on the town.
Several bottles of vodka later...I found myself making out in the corner with his friend Mark*. Mark aggressively and unsuccessfully tried to get me to go home with him, but got my number instead. Several text messages later, Mark and I were going on our first date.
Pre-date
It was a hot, soupy summer night. I was so nervous; it was my first real date! He suggested going to Supper, which my friends had raved about, so I was looking forward to it. These same brilliant, wonderful friends, also suggested I have a glass of wine before my date, to calm the nerves. So I poured myself a glass (big enough to hold about a half bottle of wine) as I slipped on my adorable, purple Ella Moss dress.
Mark had suggested to first meet at his apartment, I assumed for a pre-dinner drink. As I tried to get a cab, somewhere between the swampy weather and my heels stumbling down 2nd ave, I realized I was no longer sober.
Date
As I walked up the stairs to his place, I realized he was just locking up his apartment. No drinks, no chatting -- he just wanted us to head downtown together. I didn't blink, I didn't care, I didn't know what was normal! I was OK with what was going on. (Side note: I later learned that you NEVER go to the guy's apartment first, you meet AT the restaurant/bar/whatever spot so it's convenient for everyone.) We proceed with our date and head downtown to Supper.
Upon arrival, there was a few minutes waiting time, so we head to the bar for a glass of wine. By the time we sat down, I was drunk. This somewhat made up for the completely uninteresting conversation, which I barely remember, so I kept the drinks coming. My three leaves of lettuce did not soak up anything that was currently in my stomach, and it all kept spiraling downhill from there.
After dinner, I was back to my pre-date makeout drunken state. I of course thought I was slick willy, and convinced myself that he had no idea that I was three sheets to the wind. He suggested we go to Bar Coastal, a nearby bar. It was a dirty dive bar that was completely empty on a Friday night. As I offer to pay for a drink, he amusingly accepts. I don't know if it was because I was clueless or because I was so intoxicated, but whoever is asked out on the date should NOT pay!
What seemed like minutes later, Mark reaches under my dress with the simple thoughts of "easy access." I was floored! Who do you think you are?! We are in public! What is wrong with you!? He, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with this. I had suggested going elsewhere for a little more privacy and he happily agreed. Looking back, I should have suggested a punch in the face. I was naive to say the least, and we went back to Mark's apartment.
It didn't take long for clothes to be ripped off. I was so incoherent, I had no idea what was going on. A few minutes later (it definitely didn't take very long) we were laying on his couch (yes his couch) and he says:
"I have to wake up really early."
These are words I've never heard before, but understood really well.
Me: "Are you fucking kidding me?!"
No, he wasn't. I pulled myself together, trying not to fall on my face, while he tells me he would love to see me again. I run out the door as quickly as possible, to meet up with other friends.
He, in fact did want to see me again and called me often. I decided to give him a second chance (I'm now fully aware of my completely dumb decisions, but this is how I learned each of my lessons) and with the second date of bad sex and Chinese food, that was the end of that.
He had continued to call me in the hopes of getting together again, but I never returned any of Mark's calls. I learned assholes don't get second dates, bad first-date conversations shouldn't lead to a second date, and to skip the pre-date bottle of wine.
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